It’s been over FOUR months since I have written in here. And may I add, a LOT has happend since then. I have been working for Zurich Life for the past 3 months now, and I have been quite happy here. I guess that is why I haven’t been around to write in here. But everyday I feel the need to write..maybe nothing creative, but at least to get out on paper..or hard disk, or whatever. Even after 4 months, some things never change, I still miss Jaz more each day, I still need to work out, I still cherish my family and friends. I guess that kind of stuff is constant. Lately I have been tested with friendships and all, and I wonder what it all means. I feel like I can give more to my friends now than I ever could, cuz I have more money, but it doesn’t feel as good as I thought i would. Money really doesn’t make you happy…I only thought that people who DIDNT have money would say that. But it’s true. I take my friends out to eat, buy them nice things, take them out, you name it…but it’s just not the same feeling I had before. Maybe it was teh whole singing thing or something..but I feel a void in my life. I don’t know what it is or where it came from. The fact that Jaz is so far away doesnt help matters at all. When I need her to be here…she can’t and that’s how it’s always gonna be. I wish it wasn’t but what am I to do? I can’t move there and she can’t come here…I hope the answers come soon…
EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON
I haven’t written in here since I left to California. Well I an right now in Jaz’s house about to go to sleep in the guest room. The reason I entitled this post with what I did is because that is what has been running around my head the last week or so. I know that I am completely happy when I am with Jaz but its always so temporary. When I am away from her, I am still happy, but not as happy. Someday I want to make this all permanent, but how do I do that? Her family has very strict strong values so nothing is even possible about her living in Chicago. And I don’t think that I can move out here, I have no future here. I just hope that someday she can come to Chicago. There has to be a future for me and her. She has loved me thru so much. When I was in a singing group, when I was in school, when I graduated, when I was thinner, when I was bigger, thru stages of my hair, thru all my problems…she was still there. And I hope that she can say the same for me. I pray for our future…I pray that WE have one.
So i DEFINITELY win bonehead move of the year! I’ll summarize the events up to this point real fast. Last you herad from me I was going to go to Hooters with Mike and Erick. Well we went, with Abby, Tracy, and Tracy’s teammates from cheerleading. After that the teammates left and I was left with the two couples which was the reason I didn’t want to go in the first place but whatever. The two couples and the ‘fifth wheel’ (myself) went to the arcade for a bit to look for DDR, no luck. We then decided to go bowling. Abby’s sister and her sister’s fiance met us at the bowling alley. I was then bumped to 7th wheel. Luckily, Joe Kho and a few of Abby’s friends met us there so I didn’t feel so uncomfortable. And then it happend. TWO frames in a row I slipped, and on the latter one I twisted my ankle. Don’t ask me how I did it, but I did it somehow. I can’t believe I turned my ankle, especially now that I am trying to be all health conscience and trying to excercise. DAMN! Well, everything happens for a reason. I need to go rest.
I’m just waiting for this nyquil to kick in and knock me out. I’ve been sick for about 3 weeks now and now my ribs are starting to hurt from coughing so much. It feels like they are bruised or something. Can ribs get bruised?? I don’t know. So my main thoughts of the day consisted of two things. 1.) I MUST GET BETTER 2.) I MUST GET A JOB. And it doesn’t matter which order. I know that I am destined to succed. I remember at DeVry I heard someone said that I was a ‘kiss ass’. This was someone that I thought was a cool. Little did I know that he was bad-mouthing me behind my back. I know there are more people out there who won’t like me because of who I am. Too bad for them.
So THIS is the real world everyone always talks about? I may not know much about anything. but I feel that I will be quite soon. I just graduated 2 days ago and already I feel the pressures of this world. Do you think I’m going to make it? Well, I’m not sure if any negative opinion of me holds water around here, near me. I’m going to make something of what God gave me almost 22 years ago. You still don’t think I will, then you’re in for a surprise. I hope yall ready for what I have to offer, ‘cuz I know I’m ready to show it.